The difference between success and happiness

I'd like to take a step away from my norm if you'll allow me.  My great aunt, Rose Nell Crosby, passed away and I've just returned from the funeral.  No need for sympathies, or condolences.  Other than selfishly missing her incredible spirit, it was not a particularly sad occasion for me.  She was 94 years old, and she had her mind and sense of humor right up until the end. What more could any of us ask for out of life?  It did however, leave me in a particularly reflective mood.  This was her basic obituary in the paper:

Rose Nell Crosby


Humboldt, TN - Funeral services for Mrs. Rose Nell Crosby, age 94, will be held at 2 PM on Sunday, November 1, 2009 in the Shelton-Hunt Funeral Home Chapel with Rev. Bill Rice officiating. Burial will follow in Rose Hill Cemetery.

Mrs. Crosby, a homemaker and member of First Gospel Mission Church, passed away on Thursday, October 29, 2009 in the Humboldt General Hospital.

She was preceded in death by her husband, Rev. George Crosby and her parents, George Walter Ridings and Beulah Alice Cooley Ridings.

She is survived by a sister, Willie Mae Bobbitt of Humboldt and several nieces and nephews.

Like many I would imagine, it's upsetting to see a lifetime shrunk down to so few words.  Particularly in this case, I felt a need to add my own words and toss them into the internet ether.  My equivalent of a Buddhist prayer flag hung in the peaks of the Himalayas I suppose.

My great aunt Rose was one of those all too rare people who lived what she believed, every hour of every day.  She would awaken around 4am every day and begin baking cakes and pies to deliver in the community.  I don't mean she had a bakery, sold them, or that she had some fancy kitchen.  Not at all.  She had an apartment sized oven, and very, very little money.  It was something that she could do and do well, so it was how she contributed to those in need, those in sorrow, or simply those who might have a little brighter day because of it.  So every day she would bake, then pack up all of those cakes and pies into the same car she'd had for 30+ years, and proceed to deliver them (generally by 8am).  Her husband, a minister, died the year I was born some forty years ago.  I won't go into that story, but suffice it to say she was touched by tragedy in her life that would have broken many of us. 

And yet, with all of that, I (nor anyone else) ever saw her with anything but a smile on her face and certainly never anger.  As she would put it she had "happiness in her heart".  As I get older, I've become a bit more philosophical in my life and how I live it.  I've experienced great success in business, I've also experienced great lows in business.  What I learned about myself over that period is that when I was the least happy in my life it was during a period in which I made the most money and had the most "things".  There's a saying that goes "Success is getting what you want, Happiness is wanting what you get".  Aunt Rose is a shining example of that, and one that I've used over the years when I get into deep dialog with friends about "happiness".  Most of us will never acheive her level of happiness, nor will we ever impact as many peoples lives as she has.  Yet, our societal views of "success" say that she had nothing.  Could you happily accept very little money if it meant you could do good for others every day?  Would your parents be happy with your choice?  Would your friends look down on you as a "slacker" or someone with no ambition? Would your kids be upset with the fact that they would have to struggle for a college education?

True happiness has nothing to do with success.  I know people who are extremely wealthy and extremely happy, and those that are miserable.  Society tells us to constantly strive for more, always move towards that next level.  And there's nothing wrong with that per se'.  But I know too many people who confuse success for happiness, and climb that ladder with incredible vigor so that they too can be "happy".  Yet once they reach that next level of success they find they are still unhappy and can't figure out why.  This is what they were striving for, but once they finally look up from all of the effort required to acheive it they find that it hasn't fulfilled them at all.   So they begin to doggedly reach for the next rung of the ladder, surely happiness will be found there right?

Let my Aunt Rose be your guide.  Find those things in life that make you happy.  Surround yourself with people who understand the difference between success and happiness and will support your efforts to acheive both, regardless of how it fits the societal norms.  Having a peer group that solely consists of Type A business personalities is the worst thing you can do, no matter how counter-intuitive that may seem.  And lastly, learn to start changing the definition of  "success" in your life to include the acheivement of happiness.  I'm not asking you to join the peace corp, or start baking cakes every day.  I'm simply saying to separate monetary gain from happiness, be as wealthy as you like as long as it makes you *happy*.  Or learn to be ok with the fact that you're happy with where you are, even if those around you don't understand it.

Rest in peace Aunt Rose, you were loved by all
Posted on Monday, Nov 2, 2009 by